MAMA

It is hard to write the word any other way. Momma does not seem right, Mamma reminds me of pizza. This is one of the first words we learned to read and write in Costa Rica during the 70's. It does have an accent, Mamá.
Being that I became a mother here, I often go by "Mom". Joaquin sometimes calls me "Mamacita" but it is only to make sure that he will get the sure to follow request granted.
It is so hard to be a mother, but for none of the reasons that people often think.
It is not the juggling of chores, the very little personal time, or the hard work of educating decent, caring, citizens of the world. Those are hard, but that is not the hardest thing.
What I find very hard is to have this different perspective. Once you have children, everything changes. I was never afraid of dying, but now I am. My children need me. I was never afraid of being sick, but now I am. My children need me. I was used to taking chances, (how would I be where I am otherwise?) But now, I don't want to risk, I don't want to loose. Having something to loose changes everything.
The world is a scarier place too. You spend time calculating the odds, separating irrational from rational fears.
I had a happy "Mother's Day". But all of my days are happy. In spite of the fear, the stress, the yelling (me), the not listening (them), I feel unbelievably blessed. And perhaps this is one of those posts that states the obvious. But I think that there are things that cannot be overstated. Like the kiss that I give my children every morning before they go to school, or at night before they go to bed. I am not skipping those. It is in the continuous reaffirmation that true love exists. That is the eternal quality of love, not based on its creation, but in its constant recreation. I love my children and I love being a mother.  Perhaps I am bitching about how hard it is to be selfish, to not care.
I still think we should all get a course and a test before having children, just like before getting a driver's license. We don't know what we are getting ourselves into (see questions below). The most convincing argument in favor of same sex marriage, or same sex parenting, is the fact that nobody else is checking heterosexual parents. And some people should not marry or have children, regardless of their sexual orientation (I am thinking about you Duggars...).

Parental License Test
Some questions to pilot...

1. Do you smoke?
2. Do you drink? How often? Do you know of the benefits of moderated drinking?
3. How do you react to sleep deprivation?
4. How much is a package of diapers (40 count)?
5. Who will take care of your child while you work? How will being a parent will impact your job?
6. Have you read the research on parenting styles?
7. Have you read the latest research on brain development?
8. Do you know the state approved curriculum for the school that your child will attend?
9. Do you know which school will your child attend? How is its performance measured?
10. Do you know the expected price of tuition for the time when your child might attend college?
11. How will you pay for college?
12. What do you know about sexual orientation choices?
13. Do you know that children pay full fares on plane tickets?

Just some of the top of my head....Feel free to add...

La vida teñida de azul

La vida
teñida de azul.
Todo lo veo a través de su fantasma:
las estaciones,
el trabajo,
las vacaciones,
el futuro.
Cómo es que su falta se siente más grande que su presencia?
Lo que somos
-la esencia-
se nos vuelve invisible
y se sale de nuestra consciencia.
El ser a veces se manifiesta en el no ser.
Quedamos confundidos
y medio vacíos.
Desorientados ante la ridiculez de los hechos,
sin saber dónde es arriba y dónde abajo.
Como cuando entramos al mar
y una ola nos revuelca.
No se come carne el viernes santo!
un dios ingrato se disuelve en la sal.
Mi hermano sube a vivir con los ángeles.

The Mega Millions Life Test

It goes like this: You buy a lottery ticket, hopefully one for a large jackpot. You think long and deep about how would you use that money. Then you ask yourself: How would my life change if I had all that money? Your answer is very important. If there is anything that would drastically change with the money, you don't like your job, or your spouse, or where you live, or other important life situation; try to fix that right now, and stop buying lottery tickets!
Test yourself often.

Rejection

re·jec·tion

  noun \ri-ˈjek-shən\

Definition of REJECTION

 

1

a: the action of rejecting : the state of being rejected

b: an immune response in which foreign tissue (as of a skin graft or transplanted organ) is attacked by immune system components of the recipient organism

 

2

: something rejected

Source: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/rejection

 

 

So, I was going to write a post about how my interview at an Ivy League school went, and I did not get around to do it. Funny, when things are going well we do not feel the pressing urge to write and make sense of them. We need to write when we have a hard time wrapping our heads around a painful experience.

The interview went great. I came back feeling as if I had been to a very good date. Everything was just right. Perhaps the only thing to overcome was the feeling that I was there by some kind of mistake. And while that is still a question I have (was I just filling the spot of the alternative candidate?), I did feel that the experience alone was worthwhile. I am grateful for it.

But now, minutes ago, I just got the news that "I did not make the short list" for the place where I currently work. Again, I had to hear: "Sorry but there were people with publications in Nature and Science". Alright, I get it. In fact, I got that point a while back (http://palodelimon.blogspot.com/2011/12/life-is-bitch.html).

But it is that rejection physically hurts (now we have the studies to know that http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/15/fashion/is-rejection-painful-actually-it-is-studied.html). And rejection makes us wander about what is true about ourselves.

I was telling my students the other day that we are often subject to the self-serving bias ("I am better than average") and that turns out to be a rather healthy thing. Otherwise we are more likely to become depressed. A little but of unrealistic optimism does not hurt us, it helps us.

But what is the right measure?

So far I have gotten only rejections, one amazing interview, and silence, as I am still "waiting to hear" from a couple of places.

Now the challenge is to not join in and reject myself. I won't.

I accept me. I accept my choices so far and I know what I am capable of doing. Let's see where I end up doing it. It is a matter of where and when, and not a question of whether I will.

 

 

 

El palo de níspero, al lado del palo de limón. The medlar tree, next to the lime tree.

Gracias Meme.