Let it be

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be... Ok, not really. Specially lately, when I find myself in times of trouble, I look around and one by one I dismiss all the people I know as possible sources of comfort. The things that trouble me, are of course, very personal. I cannot disclose these very personal things just to anybody. But in particular, I cannot disclose these things to people that are close to me and that love me. You see, these people are interested in me, are my friends or family, they know my past and what I want for my future. They will hold me accountable for the direction that my life takes, and that is a bit too much for me at times. I am very hard with myself as it is, I don't need any of you (reading this post, because if you are reading, you just might be one of the very people that I am talking about) telling me what to do or not to do. Sometimes I just want to be heard, and hugged. That is about it. There is no easy or final solution to any of my problems, some people might not even call them problems. But there they are blocking my way... or are they?
I sometimes wonder if it is myself who is impeding my own development. I need to learn new ways, reject old ways and move on to be the new me (for the XXI century?, for the 36th year of life?) I sometimes do find myself looking for instructions on how to be, what to do. And in this way, I also don't feel like taxing my loved ones with paternal/maternal duties that they do not deserve. And then again, I might be depriving both parts from a conversation that might enrich us. I know this last thing is true because that is how I felt when I learned (after the fact) about things that troubled my friends and they didn't tell me not to trouble me. There is something very edifying about giving someone else the chance to have input in our own lives. For now, I think I am just going to let it be...