Instructions for moving on

First, pretend that it is not happening to you. At least not the "you-you" the one at the core of your self.  This crisis is at the perimeter of you, not at the core. That is an important thing to remember.

Second, pack your belongings unemotionally. You knew this day would come. The fact that you thought you were leaving to a better place should not change the pleasure of removing yourself from a place where you are not appreciated. This is a good time to remember all of those things that you told your students regarding "depressive realism" and how realistic people tend to get depressed. Don't be realistic now, it is not the right time.
Instead, choose the other explanations that kind people have provided to you: "You will find something", "Something better will come along". Hey, it works in romantic relationships, it should apply to jobs as well. Think of yourself as being "free", happily "unattached" remember how exciting it is to have options. If having options makes you uneasy and lost, then remember it is not the time to be realistic or completely true to your feelings. There will be time for that, you know, in the future.

Third, focus on the things that you can do and actually do them. This is the time to prepare to run that 5K. This is the time to write all of those articles. This is the time to think big thoughts. Cleaning up the house it is definitively going to be possible -or at least not impossible- now. Enjoy again the simple things that made you happy before you started having dreams of being productive, self-sufficient or a professor. Remember the joy of watching t.v. Perhaps spending the summer with your family will be fuel for the fall job search.

Fourth and last. Leave this chapter of your life with your chin up. Utter pejorative adjectives in your head directed to the people that do not appreciate you enough, and leave the premises happily like a cowboy that walks toward the sunset. There are better pastures on the other side. That side that you will create for yourself. You had signed up for evolution long time ago. This is just one more phase of it. A weird one. Like the time when cute tadpoles get legs and look weird because they are not yet frogs.

Start being a frog now.

Time well spent

Every day I spend a considerable amount of time and energy just convincing myself that I am not crap. There, I said it.
This is costing me a whole lot. At 40 one would thing that things like these should have been solved. If not from sheer age and experience perhaps from years in psychotherapy, which I need to restart by the way.
Is it really true that early attachment styles determine the way you interact with people in the future? I will take any excuse available to blame my parents for my present ordeals.
The strategy right now is to "spend time doing productive things" and of course "relax". Unfortunately the last reinvention effort did not work well in terms of bringing a durable job. I wonder if I should do more in the networking area... I have been working in a small hole, interacting with people that are not very connected themselves. I now need to move forward to better and more interesting things.
And perhaps this is where the ultimate problem lies. I need to not be afraid of making mistakes.
When I was little (did I tell you this one already? I think I did) I would sit in front of a white sheet of paper with all of my coloring pencils not knowing "what was the right thing to do". Therefore I did nothing. I have been fighting this for years but perhaps now is the time to go for it. I should just color whatever I think is right and thicken my skin for the consequences.
I will be spending my time doing productive things.

Some inspirational music:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxxajLWwzqY