"That Day"

It starts off as a feeling of inadequacy. It feels like the day won't completely go well. I try to scare those thoughts away from my mind. But by the time I send the boys off to school (and they just won't put their shoes on) I loose it. I dive completely into this pool of slimey gooey dark stuff that sticks to me and it is very hard to wash off. All of my thoughts turn negative and there is nothing that I can do well. I should know better, this happens about once a month. This is the one day in which I should just stay in bed, for the my sake and that of everyone around me. But I can't. Life does not give me a break nowadays. Not like those miserable days in my little East Village studio where I could just stay in bed, cry, eat, watch t.v. and repeat as necessary.
So, according to me, my shrink, and my OB, it is my hormones. Would I want to take some happy pills? Hell no. It would be accepting defeat. If I take a pill it means that I am sick. And I am not. As far as I can tell. I am sure those yummy pills will make me feel just like I feel after having a beer: the world is not so bad, and I can be cool. But I need to learn to manage this on my own, I need to regulate my thoughts and moods that one day. The rest of the month I just have the regular cranky and sad episodes that go away somewhat easier. I am trying the natural stuff for a treatment and I just filled up a large thermos with rosemary tea. Now I have to swallow the multivitamin, the chasteberry extract, some calcium and vitamin e. Let's see how fast that works. I forget to plan for this day.