Strangled thoughts

The way my postings read is not fluent. I manage to somewhat convey my thoughts but they feel strangled, like they need air and also an "airy" quality. I, also, use, too, many, commas. But back to the issue, I feel that whatever thoughts I am trying to convey are a little purple, not quite reflecting their livelihood. I don't always use the appropriate and more common words, I sometimes write the way I think, without a lot of editing (who has the time?). That is perhaps the reason why nobody (other than my trusty sister) has made any comments on my postings (feedback anybody?).
But perhaps (I love this word "perhaps" for some strange reason it sounds so intellectual to me...) it is just that I as a person am not at this time in the position to elaborate more on my thoughts and my writing. For those of you that know me or have read my previous postings, I am in a very tense situation right now, waiting to hear if me and my family can stay in this country or if have to leave for two years. Not that this is a life or death situation, not necessarily at least. But the quality of life of my family is on the line and that is nothing that I can take lightly. Not to mention the amount of stress that this has placed in my closest human relationships (read husband).
In any case, I hope that you bare with me for a while, I know that no matter what, when we figure out what we will be doing, I will be more likely to express myself clearly and to perhaps capture your input somehow .

The unbearable unlightness of being

So, I have been very tense. So much so, that I haven't been able to get my fingers to write anything. But today I managed to string a couple of thoughts together and here I am.

Throughout my life, I have had the blessing of having people around me that have been intelligent, thoughtful, creative, and spiritual. Therefore I have been able to experience conversations with them that usually contained somewhat deep analyses of things. Deeper than your everyday chatter, let's say. The pleasure of "meta-conversations" is something that I have had a hard time to part with. I guess it also comes with the "trade" of being in academia for so many years, and now not being there. The problem for me at this point in my life, is that I don't know how to have "light" conversations anymore . I am feeling a bit socially awkward because I am always bringing up all these issues that might make people feel uncomfortable. Not everyone is ready to talk about social problems, or the upbringing of human beings, or how to solve the planet's environmental issues or why are people involved or not involved with this or that political movement, etc.
And I am not trying to seem "morally superior" because "oh, I can't bother with trivial things", this is ultimately not a quality. I cannot be relaxed and comfortable enough to let life flow and just "be". My husband thinks that I need to drink more and more often. He might be on to something.