Thunderclap

thun·der·clap 1 : a clap of thunder 2 : something sharp, loud, or sudden like a clap of thunder.*

I recently became acquainted with the word 'thunderclap'. It is one of those things where you have never heard the word before, and now you hear it everywhere (children's books, Bruce Springsteen lyrics, etc). I remember that when I was young people used to say that the time between the lightning and the thunder indicated how far it was, and that the sound traveled about one kilometer per second. I never checked this fact to see if it is true. However, I remember counting the distance between the light and the sound in many rain storms. Trying to predict the thunderclap is your own little way of feeling "in control" of something that might scare you.
Nowadays, as I find myself waiting for the thunderclap that follows a strong scary lightning, (learning whether my life will improve, stay the same or it will go through rougher times), I find myself trying to predict when the loud sound will come. Waiting is not easy but at least, if you know how long you have to wait, you can tame your anxiety and make it through each day.
I am very anxious right now.

* Thunderclap/Thunder. (2008). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary. Retrieved June 9, 2008, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/thunderclap

Esperanza

No matter how much you tell yourself not to get your hopes high. Or how wounded your heart and soul are. When you catch a glimpse of possibility, a tiny ray of sun light filtered from an unexpected place, you can't help it and you hope again. Whenever a door opens, even if it is just a little bit, you approach cautiously, but you do approach. Hope is inevitable, hope is contagious, hope scares you but also makes you want to heal your wounds. Hope is all that we have when we have lost everything. But hope does not come only from within. One can bury hope under a ton of negative thoughts and fears. One can lose sight of hope when hiding, when hurt, when burnt. Hope is created in the interaction with the external, with nature, with people, with resources. But hope can be easy to revive because it is our nature to thrive. When our brain evolved into its current state, we separated from the survivalists. We create and we do things that remain longer than our bodies. We live and we believe even when it "makes no sense" or when "it is not necessary". And even though we mindlessly do things that might kill us, such as poisoning our bodies and our environment, we still hope that we are going to be alright, that everything is going to be alright. I hope.